


Nightmares that bind us (I'll break them like glass)

by Ingi



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Community: norsekink, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, General Creepiness, Humor at the worst moments, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Jotun!Loki, Little!Loki, M/M, Multiple Lokis, Prompt Fill, Sorcerer!Loki, Young!Loki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-25
Updated: 2015-01-25
Packaged: 2018-03-09 01:21:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3230888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ingi/pseuds/Ingi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Avengers (minus Clint) wake up to find themselves inside of Loki's "box-of-cats" mind. So, naturally, they try to find their way out, along with seeing just what the heck is going on inside of the Trickster's head. </p><p>They'll soon discover everything is more complicated they thought it could ever be. Also, Thor learns his brother's mind is full of nightmares, many of them he could have prevented if he hadn't been such a blind jerk.</p><p>He might have the opportunity to fix it, though.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nightmares that bind us (I'll break them like glass)

**Author's Note:**

> Oh, hi, it is me again!
> 
> This is another old prompt from **[norsekink](http://norsekink.livejournal.com/9985.html?thread=21598721#t21598721)** , but I’ve just inspired on it; I haven’t done it exactly as the OP said. Oh, well… I just read it and had a really odd dream and I had to write it.
> 
> Especial thanks to an anon who helped me to imagine Loki's mind.
> 
> And sorry if it's really bad, I'm out of practise and this is pretty weird, 'cause I lost inspiration and wrote it within months. Yup. You were warned. It might be a little scary too, but I don't think I've been that good.

It was madness, the way they fought. It was madness, and Loki was his center and Lord. He stood there, blue eyes clouded, a cruel smirk in his lips, as the green magic rejected all of their attacks, and it didn’t matter how hard they were, or how loud Thor bellowed ( _Stop this madness, brother! Stop it, brother. Loki. Loki. Brother. Please._ ). Loki was immersed in his rage, in his hate, and he couldn’t feel anything apart from it.

But then, suddenly, the Trickster breathed in with a pained look, the most intense horror any of the Avengers had ever seen in his eyes, and the magic fluctuated and trembled around them.

Something strange was happening, something dangerous, Natasha could tell, and she was not going to move a single finger until she knew what was happening; perhaps she was a woman of action, but she was not stupid.  
She looked at the Avengers, taking note of Thor’s pale gesture, the Hulk’s frown, Steve’s look of ‘what-in-America-is-happening’.  
But Tony… he had clearly understood the strange episode as a weakness, and took the chance.

“Wait, Stark, wait!” Natasha yelled.

But it was too late. One of Tony’s artifacts hit Loki, and then it was when everything got _even_ crazier.

The green magic moved forwards them in a flash, in what seemed like tentacles. They found themselves engulfed by a coldness which was not from that world.

And everything went black.

 

Cold. That was the first thing the Avengers noticed when they opened their eyes. Cold, and then, darkness.

Thor got up in a blink, a startled, almost scared expression in his face as he recognized where they were. Asgard. Or a very twisted version of it.

The sky was covered by dark clouds, and the atmosphere was the one for a storm, but Thor couldn’t feel that tingle in his fingers, that special connection he felt when a storm was coming. He actually didn’t feel anything at all. There was no weather there.

They were on a plain, next to a lush forest where he had spent many days of his childhood and youth. He could even see the palace in the distance.

But something was wrong, misplaced. There was something there that didn’t coincide with his memories. That place was too dismal, too lugubrious… Unreal. That was not Asgard.

He was too lost in his own thoughts when he heard a sound behind him, and quickly turned around, wielding Mjölnir.

A figure groaned and wriggled a bit on the ground, patting his armor as if thanking it for protecting him. “Keep it easy, Thunderhead.”

Thor shook his head and took Tony by the arm to help him to get up, and looking around he saw Steve, reappearing under his shield with a puzzled expression. Bruce was rubbing his frown as he tried to recover stability, the Hulk gone. Natasha seemed to be the one who had ended up worse off, as the new bruises and wounds showed.

“What the hell has happened?” Tony groaned. “This place looks like some kind of nightmare, if I could have a nightmare. I mean, I’m Ironman, guys. But it looks like a nightmare you would have.”

“You hit Loki” Natasha accused. “Right in the moment something was going wrong. All that power was doing weird things, and you had to hit it on the face!”

“That magic seemed unstable” Bruce observed. “As if he couldn’t control it. It seemed to have its own life.”

Steve shivered and kept his shield close to his chest, apparently more interested in practical things, like for example “Where are we?” ‘And how are we supposed to go back to New York?’, was what he didn’t say, but everybody heard anyway.

“We are in Asgard” Thor replied, eyes dark and voice unusually heavy. “Not in the real Asgard, but somewhere which resembles to it.”

“But _why_?”

“Loki’s magic has brought us here, whatever this place is, and not by his will.” He frowned as he remembered the way he had opened his eyes widely in the most absolute terror. Whatever had brought him to that state in a second was worth fearing. “He must be here too” he suddenly realized. “We have to find him.”

“Will he take us back to New York?” Steve asked.

“Will he tell us what has happened?” Bruce wanted to know at the same time.

“I don’t know. With Loki, you can never know.”

“Then it isn’t worth looking for him” Natasha observed. “We will do better looking for a way to get out of here.”

“Nonsense” Thor replied harshly. “You would be losing your time. He is the only one who can take us back.” And of course, he had to know if his brother was alright; he still had to find him, to take him home.

“So you’re saying we have to play hide and seek with the box-of-cats’ mind guy. How funn-…”

A shadow gripped Tony from behind and cut off his sentence. It was a dead body in an advanced state of decomposition, for Tony’s disgust. It was nailing the fleshless bones of its fingers in his shoulder, and looked at him with a half-smile of purple lips, a glimpse of cruelty in the eye it had left.

“Come” it sputtered, voice like sandpaper. “Come with me. Let me take you home…”

Tony flinched and hit the hand to get off his hold, kicking the body until it backed up to the forest with a hoarse laugh “Your time will come… Hela is waiting…”

The Avengers looked at each other and chose the same moment to take a step away from the forest.

“What…?” Steve babbled.

“Look, I don’t know what else is hidden here and what are they able to do to us, but I won’t stay enough to find it out” Natasha stated. “So this is what we are going to do: we will follow Thor wherever he guides us, until we find Loki, and then I will hit him really hard and he will show us the way out.”

Thor didn’t tell her he had no idea of where his brother could be. He didn’t, because it didn’t matter; none of them knew. And besides… he wanted to go somewhere. He wanted to check if the palace was as gloomy as the plain.

He started walking away from the forest, towards the golden palace which could be seen not too far away, and the Avengers followed him.

There were things waylaying in the shadows, but they didn’t bother them yet. The kept still, waiting… It was the first time visitors came, and they wanted to watch them, have some fun, and then…

The Thunderer stopped in his tracks, the sight of the palace too desolating to be true. It was supposed to be golden and bright, but it was dull and dark. The gardens were ruined, plants twisting around the towers like in a Midgardian old tale, and the entire place seemed abandoned and wrecked. What had happened, he didn’t know. But he didn’t like it one bit.

“Is Asgard this…?” Bruce started, but he didn’t even have to finish the sentence for Thor to understand what he meant.

“No. This is a twisted version of it” he replied, walking through the only garden that seemed perfectly preserved.

It was Frigga’s favorite, the one with the apple tree. Loki and he spent most of the time there as children, especially in spring and summer, playing around and sitting under the tree’s shade when they got tired.

Thor sighed deeply, because he could almost see it. Yes, there he was, Loki, sitting on one of the tree’s branches, swinging his feet. One of his most precious memories.

But when the Avengers froze behind him, and a seven-years-old Loki looked at them with a shocked face, Thor understood. It was not a vision, it was not one of his memories. There was a young version of Loki right there.

“Brother! Where were you? And who are they?” the boy said with a high pitched voice the god had almost forgotten about.

“Loki?” he whispered, marveled, and took a few steps forward.

“I’ve been looking for you for ages!” the boy insisted, annoyed, and jumped to the floor, a bit of hurt hovering in his eyes. “You promised you wouldn’t leave me alone, you promised! Where were you?!”

( _Where were you?!_ , accused the black haired child, green eyes clouded by repressed tears. It was almost night time and Thor was hours late to the playdate he had arranged with his little brother the day before. _You went to that hunt with the others, didn’t you?_ Thor had scratched his head almost shyly, reluctant to admit he had actually forgotten about him in the middle of the excitement raised by the hunt the adults had allowed them to participate in, after weeks of nursing his disenchantment at the realization he could never go, no when Loki had told him he didn’t want to and Thor knew well enough his own nature to understand he would never have the heart to leave him alone and secluded. Oh, but he had, he had seen the men preparing the horses and every thought about his brother had flown out of his mind in a delighted breath.  
_You promised! You promised you wouldn’t leave me alone!_ , was the disappointed recrimination, and Thor had hugged the pain out of his body and dragged him to kitchen to steal some sweets, and before bedtime came, he was sure he had been forgiven. They slept in the same bed again that night, with their hands in a tight clasp, and Loki was smiling in his sleep, ever so slightly.)

Thor blinked in surprise and kneeled to be at his height, because for all the Norns, he was so small.

“Forgive me” he mumbled, stretching out a hand to reach for his cheek. “Forgive me.”

Little Loki shook his head, tears glimmering in his eyes. “You promised…”

The Thunderer didn’t even think. He didn’t try to explain himself what was happening. He simply pulled the boy closer and hugged him tightly. “I am here now, baby brother. I am here, and I won’t leave you alone ever again. Forgive me, please.”

And in the very moment they touched, the Avengers flinched in surprise, because for a second, they couldn’t see Thor, but a surprisingly realistic image of a little blond boy.

The raven sighed and buried his face in his neck “It is fine, brother. It is just I don’t like being alone, especially here.”

Thor slowly let him go and looked at him, suddenly noticing something “Don’t you… see me any different, brother?”

“No, should I?” little Loki frowned and then smiled a bit. “Maybe you are a bit taller. You have this annoying habit of growing up faster than I do.”

The god took the boy’s hand and slid it by his jawline, wanting him to feel the beard there, but he looked at him as if he had no idea of what he intended to do. For some odd reason, the boy thought Thor was also seven years old; he saw him the way he was at that age and it seemed nothing would make him change his mind.

“Well, who are they?” the boy asked again, looking curiously at the Avengers.

“What? Is this a joke? I am Ironman!” Tony exclaimed, which made little Loki laugh. “What is it so funny?”

“You are not made of iron” he replied, smiling. “Your armor is. You are not.”

“Perhaps not what you can see, but his brain is, that’s for sure” Natasha rolled his eyes, gazing at the boy.

Little Loki seemed amused “Oh, hello there, Ironhead.” Then he looked again at the woman. “Your hair is really pretty, Lady. Just like Sif’s hair.” He turned to Thor as if he was looking for confirmation “But Sif’s is like gold, and hers is like fire.”

Natasha brought a hand to her mouth and stared at the boy, not believing what she was seeing.

“I am Loki.”

“Uh… we know. My name is Steve. The redheaded ma’ma is Natasha, ‘Ironhead’ is Tony, and he is Bruce.” Little Loki smiled. “Can you… take us in there?”

The boy stopped smiling and took Thor’s hand “Do you mean… into the palace? I won’t go into the palace.” He looked desperately at the Thunderer “I won’t go out of this garden.”

“Why not?” he asked, squeezing reassuringly his hand, but he got no reply, so he made another question instead, a risky one. “Have you seen… any others like you? Any other Loki?”

Little Loki looked puzzled for a second, but then nodded, clearly relieved by the change of subject “There are. I’ve seen them in the palace, once or twice.”

Thor turned to the Avengers, and they immediately understood his gaze. One of those Loki might be the one they were looking for. “We have to look for them…” he started.

“No! You said you wouldn’t leave me!”

“I… I won’t leave you. Come with us, brother.”

“I don’t wanna go ….” the boy whispered. “There’s _monsters_ there.”

“It will be fine, buddy” Tony assured him, patting his shoulder. “Your brother won’t let anything happen to you, will he?”

The Thunderer shook his head and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, and that was all the boy needed.

Once he was calmer, he walked ahead them with a happy trot, fearless and innocent. It made Thor remember they both were like that once. He wondered when they started breaking, when their bond started loosening to practically the non-existence.  
He missed Loki like that. …No, he immediately corrected himself. He missed Loki. That was all.

Little Loki guided them through a corridor of the palace, one which was just like it was in the real Asgard, and the god allowed himself to believe for a moment he was seven years old and was roaming by the palace with his little brother, just that.

Suddenly, he recognized where the boy was guiding them to, and his steps automatically went in a certain direction with no more need of lead. The library. How hadn’t he thought about it before.

In his absorption, he surpassed the boy’s trot and opened widely the old wooden doors of the library. The Avengers peeped over his shoulders, and the god was glad they couldn’t see his face. He was honestly worried. The library… it was not as bad preserved as the rest of the palace, excepting Frigga’s garden, but it was still worse than in real Asgard.

The wide windows, which faced the Sun and therefore the training grounds, were destroyed as if out of rage, glass broken into pieces on the floor and windows frames burned. Besides, a slight dust layer was everywhere, covering books and tables and chairs.

And in one of those chairs, elbows resting on the table in front of him and back turned to the door, was Loki sitting, with the nose buried on a thick book, just like Thor remembered him from their youth and adulthood.

“Brother?” he asked tentatively, expecting to be rejected in the cruelest ways.

But the figure simply turned around, and then he could see it. Loki was too young to be _his_ Loki. It was _sixteen-years-old Thor’s_ Loki.

“So you are here” the young man frowned. “What have I told you about bringing your friends to the library? You have to be at least _this_ intelligent to enter here” he added, pointing to himself. His smirk was sharp, but it was not directed to Thor, but to the Avengers.

“Then I shouldn’t be here, should I?” the Thunderer replied in soft voice, walking over him while the team and little Loki remained still at the door frame.

“No, you shouldn’t” young Loki’s smile was softer. “But I can’t forbid you entry without risking to one of your tantrums.”

Thor shook his head, grinning warmly as he took a seat in a nearby chair and turned to his side to face him. “Who’s the one who throws tantrums here, brother?” he hummed, patting his leg.

In that very moment, the Avengers could see a young Thor, blond hair falling almost to the waist and even brighter blue eyes.

Young Loki turned his head to them and rolled his eyes at their surprised faces “What are you waiting for? I haven’t actually pointed a dagger at you and forced you to stay there, have I? Come on, go in and take whatever you are looking for, so you can go back to your sparring.”

Only a fool wouldn’t have noticed the slight bitterness in his voice. A pity Thor was a real fool back then. A younger Thor would have shrugged at that and obeyed, thinking it would be a waste of time or an enormous effort to convince Loki to tell him whatever bothered him. But not the actual Thor.

“What makes you think I am going to spar right now?” he asked, blue eyes locked on green ones. “I’ve came here because I was looking for _you_. You know I wouldn’t take a step inside a library if not for you” he added with a smile, but it didn’t make his words less serious.

Young Loki kept quiet for some seconds, and even if his face was blank, he could tell he was surprised. “I…” he started, but shook his head when words choked in his throat. “You never… I thought…”

“Did you think I cared more about sparring than about my little brother?” Thor frowned, and he leant so his forehead rested against his, the hand on his leg looking for his hand.

“I did” he replied, when their fingers tangled together. “I did because it was certain, and I still do.”

“Nonsense. You speak as if you were jealous of sparring.”

“I am not. I simply hate it.”

“You what?” the Thunderer blinked, not expecting that answer, and squeezed gently his hand when he got no reply. “Why do you…? All those times I dragged you to spar with me…” He had just remembered Loki’s face when he did so: between resignation and annoyance; he thought he was just playing a role, he thought he wasn’t even half bothered as he seemed, but… he was wrong.

“I gave you hints” Loki hissed. “But you ignored them. Or didn’t you see the way I looked at you while you sparred? The way I looked at you all? I tried to learn, I tried to train, but there was nothing to be done! You and your stupid friends were always too skilled, I was never good enough. I had to watch as everybody patted your back, while I fell on my ass on the dirty ground and prayed the Norns you would break a leg or an arm to keep you away from the training grounds for enough time for me to shine, even if just for a little bit, in the shadow of your greatness.”

There was no soul in the room that didn’t shiver at those words, a less bitter reminiscence of the ones which the Loki of the present, the real one, had uttered more than once with that terrifyingly fiery hate. Thor mentally kicked himself at the realization his brother had been boiling himself in that pot of anger for ages, and he had done nothing to stop it.

Bruce, pale but determined, gently pulled Natasha and Tony away from the door. There was such a sentiment floating in the room, a heavy load of darkness that they inhaled and exhaled in puffs as if they were in the middle of the winter, that somehow the scientist felt the need to get out, not as much to allow them a private moment but to escape the grim whiff of something old and putrid that was way too dense for them to stand. Little Loki, who was clutching at Steve’s hand like a lifeline, quickly let go when he noticed they intended to roam around, and leant instead into the door frame while the group of humans slowly walked away.

“Brother. Loki.” Was uttered then, but Thor had no words, no thoughts, just that burning bitterness in his heart and eyes that was no other thing than self-loathing tears and a tearing regret. Loki pulled his hand away from his grip, grimacing in something that resembled too much to pain.

“It’s okay, Thor. Just go wagging your tail to Sif, wailing all the way on how a pain of a brother I am. You’d never get interested enough in me and my problems to get your nose out of her hair anyway.”

( _Sif’s hair is a field of gold, Loki! it smells like the newly-grown crops, like wheat and corn and that strain of lavender that comes from the forest so far away_ , said a sixteen years old Thor to a dumbfounded Loki. _Have you actually_ smelled _her hair, you pervert?_ , the teen had scolded, scoffing, and Thor was too young and too naïve not to miss the jealousy in his voice, weaved in-between his long afternoons spent braiding Sif’s long blond hair without another care in the world.  
A few months after, Loki sneaked into her chambers while she slept and shaved her head; the hair grew again after a while, but the golden touch, a gift from the fairies when she was born, was never seen again. Thor punished Loki by giving him the silent treatment for two weeks, which was far too little for Sif’s taste and way too much for Loki’s, so then he cut his hair too and never again let it get past his shoulders, and that was a surprisingly hard punishment for everybody in Asgard except for himself.)

Thor breathed out in pain and clasped his brother’s shoulders with desperation, paying no mind to the way he tried to shrug him off with equal desperation, if not more. “That’s why you cut her hair?” he asked, voice barely a hoarse whisper. “That’s why you brought her that incredible amount of shame and pain and loathing towards you that will never abandon her completely? You were _jealous_?”

But Loki only looked at him with wide, startled eyes, all rage gone in the incomprehensibility of the mystery that unfolded in front of him, and Thor understood then that the representation of his brother he was seeing was frozen in time, long before that happened, and had the same knowledge of the episode of Sif’s hair that little Loki had of the bitterness of his fifteen years old counterpart.

“How could you think I cared about her more than I cared about you? You were bothered when I was with her, and yet you casted me out of your chambers without a second thought every time I tried to give you a little bit of attention. Tell me now, how in Helheim does that make any sense? Tell me!” From a soft whisper, Thor’s voice had been raising to a loud shout that rumbled through half of the palace and made the Avengers freeze for a second within the corridors they wandered cautiously.

“I never wanted _a little bit_ of your attention” Loki spitted, his eyes suddenly cold. “I wanted it all! All of it, you hopeless idiot! Not the remains of the tenderness you had already given out among your damn friends and the whole realm, like the maids allow the dogs to eat the leftovers of the nobles’ feasts.”

“There was not such a thing as an apportionment! You’ve always held my heart, you held it whole and I was never able to love anyone else even half as dearly as I loved you!”

The Trickster stayed quiet then, rage and confusion and vulnerability quarreling for a place in his eyes, so Thor released his shoulders and slowly leant towards him to leave a soft longing kiss on his forehead. Young Loki closed his eyes and sighed faintly, tension draining from his body at the mere gesture.

“Thor” he mumbled. “I…”

But the other god wasn’t destined to ever hear what his brother was going to say, because in that very instant, a sharp cry cut the deceivingly calm atmosphere in two.

“Shoot it! _Shoot it, goddammit_!” Then, a string of expletives in Russian and a loud noise that makes a firearm. And more shouts.

Thor halted, just before going into frenzy and getting up so fast he missed the terrified look in both young and little Loki’s faces. The corridor that would lead him to the source of the noise was dark and alien, and in a desolate state of decrepitude, but he noticed none of it while he ran like a madman, praying he wouldn’t find his friends’ bodies scattered around the floor. What happened when someone died inside of other person’s mind? He didn’t want to find out.

“Tony, behind you!” Bruce yelled, sounding none like the Hulk, and somehow that worried the god even more.

The scene that hit his eyes left no place for any relief whatsoever. They were all alive, true, but they were almost defenseless against the group of shagged figures that surrounded them. The worst of it was, Thor recognized his old friends in four of them.

Sif was nothing but a shadow of herself, her head completely bald and her eyes lifeless, a stitching all around her neck and ending in a sewing needle which was as big and sharp as a dagger, and nailed in the soft point under her left ear. Fandral’s face was purple like the face of a drowned man, and he wore a horrible grin that mimicked his charming usual one. Volstagg had his enormous stomach completely opened up, and his guts kept swinging around and falling to the floor at his movements. Hogun was the more normal-seeming; one could have confused that creature with him if it weren’t for his blind dead eyes.  
While those monsters tried to claw Natasha and Tony’s eyes out, an old member of the Council, whose face kept changing to resemble other members or even some of their youth teachers, was sending hits of unbridled magic at Bruce. Steve didn’t seem to be in deadly danger right then, but he was being harassed by a surprisingly good-looking man, who was completely naked and hard down there, and whom Thor remembered giving Loki odd looks around the time those Elven ambassadors came.

The Thunderer swung Mjölnir and, shivering in displeasure, threw it against all his Asgardian friends, one by one, until they didn’t get up again. By then, Steve was cowered in a corner by the elf, and it only took him a moment to understand the creature had some sort of hypnotizing enchantment that prevented his friend from escaping.

“Such a prude” the elf slurred, smiling unkindly. “Just like the other one. Oh, but he ended up enjoying it, I am sure. I couldn’t make him cry out, he was a clever little shit, too hard to break, but I will make you mewl, you’ll see.”

 _The other one._ That nightmare had trapped someone else before, someone who wasn’t strong enough to defend himself but had enough will to give no signs of weakness. Thor had never been scared before, but at that moment, he was, as he felt the wretchedness that was slowly starting to poison him and his memories. He saw all red, and the next second, the elf was even deader than he was before. There were all kind of weapons shot or thrown or fired at him from the other Avengers at the same moment, but the most satisfying noise was the one his own hammer did when it crushed the creature’s skull.

He turned around, then, taking in the scenery covered in black blood and fog from the dissipating nightmares, and the sight of his friends, drenched in all kind of fluids, some of them their own blood.

“Wow, Point Break, I’m afraid your friends weren’t even half nice as you described them” Tony coughed with pretended humor, even though he was cradling his right arm, where Sif’s needle had somehow broken the armor and pierced his skin.

“Won’t you ever stop joking?!” Steve exclaimed, quite hysterically, pushing himself away from the wall. “We’ve just been attacked by a bunch of crazy monsters.”

“A representation of Loki’s fears or darkest desires, more likely” Bruce intervened in soft voice.

“I knew them all” Thor let out in a pained breath. He should have known. He should have noticed. Oh Norns, why didn’t he notice.

“And why didn’t you, I don’t know, let the beast out?” the Russian asked Bruce, crossing her arms over her chest. “It would have been pretty useful, even if you just wandered around killing everything that crossed your path. It would have been great, actually, even if one of those you killed ended up being the Loki we’re looking for. I never liked that guy anyway. Although the little version of him is a cutie.”

“I just _couldn’t_ turn into the Hulk, something is interfering with…”

“Wait, Loki! Where’s he? Well, Loki one and Loki two” Tony interrupted, looking at Thor, and in that very moment he remembered he had left them behind, alone… _again_.

“For the Realms’ sake” he hissed, and turned right around his heels to go back to the library, the whole team following his steps. Little Loki was still at the door, a look of anxiety in the immature features, but he kind of brightened up when he saw them.

“I thought you left! I thought you were dead!” he ran towards them and jumped for Thor to scoop him up and being able to hide his face in his neck. Then he wriggled out of the hug and went back to his own feet, clinging to Bruce’s leg, probably because he was the closest one.

“We could never” Thor answered, messing his hair affectionately and with a hint of guilt too. “It would mean leaving you alone, and that’s not happening, do not worry, brother.”

He peeked into the library and found young Loki there, much nearer than expected, his body taut as a bow and holding a book tightly against his chest. His eyes were like open windows, but they were shut and folded into an indifferent look as soon as he noticed Thor had seen him.

“So you have encountered them” was all he said, still gripping the book with unnecessary force, his lips pressed in a thin line.

“You knew they were there?” Thor asked back, taking a step forward.

“The nightmares? They are everywhere, and even if they’re not yours, they can hurt you all the same. It’s no safe here.”

The Thunderer was about to ask him the meaning of what he had seen, the horrors of it still crude and vivid in his mind, but then he realized that false people were all from a time when his brother and him were not sixteen anymore, so probably that Loki didn’t know much about them. But… then there had to be another Loki near, an older one, maybe the one they were looking for.

“We have to continue the journey, my friends” he said, turning to the Avengers and little Loki. “With any luck, it’s about to end.”

Young Loki nodded for himself, with just a tiny bit of disappointment visible, until Thor turned back towards him and pleaded “Come with us.”

“What?” he blinked, not believing in what he had just heard, and immediately shook his head, just in case. “No, no way. I’m not going out of here. You’ve been around the palace for a while, very well, you’ve seen some things and you might think that’s the worst you’ll find, but you’re _wrong_. There are creatures of any kind here, and you’ll never know which one will be ripping your skin into pieces or when.”

“Don’t be afraid, Loki, we’re all together in this, we’ll protect you, we’ll protect each other.”

“I don’t need your protection” a red-faced Loki replied sharply. “I stay here because I frickin’ want to, not because I’m afraid. I just don’t see the sense in going around trying to get killed, but of course, how would you know, that’s exactly what you do all the time.”

“Brother, _please_ ” Thor insisted. He found revolting the idea of leaving his brother behind, well, any of his brothers, so he said the only thing he knew would work with a fifteen years old Loki, the same way he used to say it when he was sixteen himself. “It’ll be an adventure, you’ll see. I’ll let you keep all those weird things you use for your magic, and I’ll tell Father how worthily you fought. I won’t even complain when you call me an idiot for getting lost!”

“Ah, so you plan on getting lost!” Loki sighed, but there was a beginning of a smirk in his face, and he slowly let go of the book and left it on the table. “Very well, you need someone to make sure you don’t get killed in the most ridiculous ways. That would surely sadden Mother.”

“Welcome to the troop, boy!” Tony exclaimed, more enthusiastically than he surely felt, and Loki gave him a cold glare in response, but he softened as the team quickly introduced themselves while they walked out of the library.

When it was little Loki’s turn, the child looked up at the teen with a shy smile, and the teen looked back with something akin to commiseration and maybe a little bit of jealousy, no doubt thinking about what he’d have to endure in contrast of the happy times of the childhood.

“Careful, brother! Careful, brother’s friends! We don’t wanna encounter the Monster” little Loki warned while they walked, gripping tightly Thor’s cape, as if getting ready to hide under it at the very instant he heard some suspicious noise.

“The Monster?” Steve asked, puzzled.

“Oh, yes. He’s the worst. The monster of the monsters. Cold as ice and as deadly as Jötunheim plains. For what Father has told us, he comes from there.”

“A Jötun?” Thor shook his head, an image of Laufey suddenly popping in his mind.

“It’s just a legend” young Loki dismissed with a wave of hand.

“It is not. You hear him howling as much as I do” little Loki insisted, and even if young Loki continued denying it, he took one of Thor’s hands in his and squeezed it in search of comfort.

No other creatures got in their way, and they found no trace of human life either, at least for a while, at least until they got near the throne room. The palace had been plunged into silence and shadows, but when they walked by the throne room, music started playing and a warm light filtered under the doors. Thor recognized the lovely songs as the ones that were typically played during coronations, and shivered.

Bruce had stopped in front of the doors and was examining them carefully and distrustfully, but Thor stopped Steve when he tried to poke him to get away from there. Instead, he took a step forward and pushed the doors open. A creeping sound filled the air as the throne room was revealed.

The music stopped abruptly, and there was no light anymore, except for the really soft one that released the golden throne in the middle of the room, but it wasn’t enough to fight the shadows away. A dark figure was scrunched by the throne side, unmoving. Suddenly, it got up with a hop and sat on it, but the flash of light that came out of it was so bright it blinded everybody, and the figure fell out of the throne somehow, a faint smell of burned flesh giving away the reason. When it slowly got up again, his face was finally visible. It was Loki.

But no, not their Loki.

It was still a younger Loki, the one Thor recognized from when they really started to drift apart, his brother with his magic and him with his newfound obsession for Mjölnir. A Loki who didn’t possess the dark circles under his eyes, the tired and frightful expression in the green orbs.

The sorcerer’s piercing glare bore in Thor’s skull, his expression blank, and the god just _knew_.

“Were those your nightmares?” he blurted out, feeling his companions cringing behind him at his crudeness.

“What’s up with you?” that Loki answered, frowning. “What are you implying? I was doing nothing.”

“Indeed you weren’t” Thor accepted easily, while he moved slightly in a vain attempt to cover his friends a bit with his own body.

“I would say that’s sarcasm if I didn’t know for a fact you’re totally incapable of identifying it, much less using it. Well, anyway, I was just admiring your throne and wondering how good you’ll look sitting there.”

( _I was just admiring your throne_ , a very embarrassed Loki mumbled. He looked like someone who had just been caught in a fault, but Thor didn’t notice, like he didn’t notice the longing stare his brother was giving the throne; if he had, he would have reassured him, even if it took him to make a big ridicule and confess he intended to make him his most trusted advisor when he reached the throne; Loki would probably laugh at him for his sentimentality, but it was better than seeing him like that. Oh, but he didn’t notice, so the world continued spinning the same way. _How good will you look sitting there? Kingly, I guess._ Thor had beamed, not giving any second thought to the way his brother kinda slurred the words, as if mocking him. _Of course, brother! I’ll be as good as Father, you’ll see, maybe even better!_  
Loki had shaken his head with a grim, _Kingly indeed_ spoken in soft voice, and had turned to leave. In that moment, Thor caught his wrist, half joking. _Hey, but you can still get the throne, you know. Even if I’d look all handsome as king; it would be a pity._ The sorcerer tsked and released his wrist, his eyes guarded again, sure his brother was messing with him; everybody knew he had no opportunity of getting the throne, and the Thunderer couldn’t be that oblivious, could he? _I wonder…_ was all he murmured, before a very satisfied Thor dragged him out of the room, his arm wrapped around his shoulders like a death trap.)

“I don’t think I’m ready to be king” Thor answered then, shrugging, and that threw sorcerer Loki out of balance.

“Are you mad? You’ve been waiting for this for years! And now you suddenly don’t care? Dammit, Thor, are you stupid or what?” He looked honestly outraged, but only now his brother could understand that it wasn’t for his own good or disappointment, but because he despised him for taking so care freely a decision about that responsibility, one that wasn’t offered to him.

“I haven’t said that. I just don’t think I’m the best choice” he answered carefully.

“And who would be a better choice, me?” sorcerer Loki scoffed, only to watch with wide eyes how his brother nodded firmly. “ _You_ … Stop it. Stop humoring me.”

“What makes you think I am? I’m nothing but honest, as you know.”

“Cruelty isn’t in your nature either, but here you are, no doubt mocking me for not being good enough to sit in the damn throne, when we all know you’ll only get it because Odin favors you.”

“You mean Father?” Thor cautiously corrected, while he mused his brother’s words.

“Yeah, Father, whatever. He treats you like a golden son, but I could be a damn servant for all he cares; he’s never earned the right to be called my Father.”

Loki had never been that honest, not even when he was young, and Thor wondered if it was because they were in his brother’s mind and he couldn’t lie to himself, or if he would have answered the same way if he had bothered asking when he should have. But even if he had gotten those words before, the god admitted to himself, he wouldn’t have given them a second thought, dismissing them as silly, way too confident his Father would never favor any of his sons. He was starting to doubt that was true, though: Loki had opened his eyes. Maybe he should have trusted him from the start, instead of treating him like a paranoiac and being blind by love.

“Perhaps you are right” he whispered, head falling in devastating sadness. “Pardon me, brother.”

“Oh, so now you listen?” sorcerer Loki inquired sourly, raising a brow. “Then this might be a good time to tell you for hundredth and fourth time I fucking _hate_ your friends, and it’s mutual.”

“I have seen that” he replied, thinking in the nightmares of the corridor, their cruel eyes.

“You have _no idea_ , Thor” his brother insisted, although he seemed taken aback by his sudden acceptation, and embroiled himself in a rushed but surprisingly passionate declaration of loathing. “That damn Hogun of yours is like a lifeless man, I don’t even know what’s going on in his head; does he even _think_ of anything, ever? And how in the Nine Realms is he friends with Fandral, who just _never_ shuts up? Gosh, how I wish he would drown in his own words, just to get some silence. Ah, and how could I forget Volstagg, whose appetite is even more revolting that yours? I’ve seen wild beasts eating more finely. But none of them is as unsupportable as _Sif_ is, I’ve always wondered how you’ve managed to stand her for so long, giving she spends all the time licking your talons like a faithful dog, as if she were expecting you to marry her anytime soon, when she is manlier than any man I’ve ever seen! Sometimes… sometimes…” he seemed to choke in his hate then, for a moment, and finished in a really low voice, threatening but shameful. “Sometimes I wish she died in a really unfitting way, nothing like the glory of the battle she wants, but in some way more proper for the lady she isn’t; her throat sliced by one of those sewing needles she’s never known how to use properly, perhaps.”

Thor thought about the nightmares of the corridor again, a sense of dread filling his stomach as the image of Sif’s stitches and the sewing needle that pierced her neck appeared in his mind. And Fandral, drowned. And Volstagg’s stomach sliced in half. And Hogun, as lifeless and imperturbable as Loki had always seen him be. All of them, dead like Loki had dreamed them to be. He felt sick.

“Why?” was all he could whisper, paling.

“I should have just kept it for myself, shouldn’t I? It was too much to hope you’d understand. I haven’t actually _done_ anything to them, you idiot. Don’t I have the right to hate? Don’t I?” sorcerer Loki cried out, in a way that made Thor realize how truly guilty his brother felt at those thoughts. It didn’t make him feel less sick, but at least he _understood_.

“You do” he confirmed reluctantly, and judging by how Loki’s mouth opened in shock, that was not the expected answer, not at all. “You do, but Loki… Oh, Loki. You _should_ have told me sooner. I… I would have… I don’t know, damn it, but I…” he shook his head, his thoughts too muddled to turn them into words.

“You would have done nothing” sorcerer Loki mumbled, looking away. “Do not fool yourself, Thor. You loved them too much, you loved everyone too much; you would have never chosen me over them or over anyone, for that fact.”

“How would you know? You never gave me the opportunity” Thor replied in hoarse voice, stretching out a hand towards him and waiting until his brother took it hesitantly, almost scared. “I would have given you the throne, if you had asked. I would have chosen you every time, over everyone else, if you had let me.” He pulled him closer, tugging at his hand, and tangled his own free one in his dark hair.

“Would have you truly given me anything I asked?” the sorcerer asked in a hopeful whisper, distrust still clear as day in his eyes. “What if I had asked too much? What if I had asked you to forgive me and then a fool’s treatment to forget?”

“I can’t even start imagining why you would want my forgiveness, but I don’t care, I just don’t care, I’d have given it to you anyway, that and whatever else you’d have needed to forget.”

Thor’s words were too vehement, too passionate, not to be believed, and even a suspicious being like Loki, who wore mistrust like a second skin, was starting to take them to heart.

“This reminds me too much to a lovers’ confession” Natasha mumbled to herself, inwardly shaken by the purity of the feelings, their rawness, the inhuman way both men were looking at each other’s souls while they tried to leave them bare and vulnerable like a newborn.

“We shouldn’t be intruding, if that’s the case” Bruce answered in a whisper, his throat tightly clasped by some sensation he didn’t want to analyze; Steve nodded at that, overwhelmed, while Tony kept silent, something that was an achievement in itself.

But they all stayed there, enthralled by a scene they didn’t quite grasp, although its significance was transparent.

There was a long silence, until Thor comprehended his brother was too comfortable keeping his secrets to spill them out by himself, so he pushed with his usual roughness.

“What is it, brother?” A sudden thought struck him like lightening, but instead of blinding him, it took his veil off; naivety gone, it all started making sense. “Is it about that man?” he asked, trembling slightly by rage or fear, or both. That man of his brother’s nightmares, the one who was impossible to turn down; he was too persistent, with a certain aura of power and invulnerability that would intimidate the toughest warrior. “Speak! That elf, that Elven ambassador… Tell me!”

The sorcerer cringed at that as if it were physically painful and shook his head violently, but that was as good as a full confession, and he knew.

“I…” he started, hesitated, and finally grimaced to himself. A second after, he was all wide-eyed again, resembling somehow to the child he used to be and who was in fact staring at him from the door. “You _knew_ ” he hissed, slapping both of Thor’s hands away from him and taking a step back. “You _knew_ and you… you…”

“I didn’t know, by all the Norns! I’ve just found out, because you never bothered telling me!” the Thunderer shouted, out of his senses. “If I had known, if I had known… I’d have ripped him apart, I’d have broken each bone one by one and let him die slowly, before getting him back from Helheim to kill him again and again in the most horrid ways.”

“Would… have you?”

“ _Loki_.” The familiar fond exasperation in that single word was enough to give the sorcerer the confidence to step forward again, cautious like a wild cat. “Don’t tell me you thought I’d have blamed you, or wouldn’t have cared.”

“I won’t tell you, if that’s the case” he replied with surprising softness.

“There’s nothing I have to forgive you, Loki, how could I? You did nothing wrong at all. Don’t dare to blame yourself for… for what happened” his voice broke a little, but it was fine, it was alright, it was for Loki.

“That’s not the only thing you’d have had to forgive me, if I’d told you” the sorcerer muttered, and avoided his gaze while he spoke. “You’ll already have guessed that was what I’d have asked you to help me forget. I’d have asked you to… to erase his touch from me with your own hands, to kiss away his taste and fix what he had broken in a way that would have only been pure because your involvement twists bad into good. But I’d have tainted your worthiness with my corrupted being, and what would your Father have thought then?”

“Father can go to Helheim, for all I care” Thor blurted out, but he meant it with every fiber of his being. “You know me way too well to think I’m perfect, Loki.” The absence of the word ‘brother’ sounded louder than its usual presence, somehow, and it spoke volumes. “There’s still nothing to forgive, nothing at all. I wish I had known the contents of your heart before” he added, quite bitterly. Before that love rotted and turned into hate, was what he was truly saying, but that Loki was still too young to understand the hidden meaning.

Thor reached out to stroke his cheek with an unknown tenderness and his heart fluttered in his chest, thousands of years of suppressed feelings lighting up burning sparks in his blood that made him hyper aware of how eagerly Loki was leaning into his touch. His brother smelled like newly fallen snow and mint when he leant in to bump their foreheads together, and Thor had never been so close to tears before. His hand found the sorcerer’s neck somehow, like it always did, and maybe it was that familiar weight what gave Loki the strength to press his lips against his; he was never one to hesitate in taking what he wanted, after all. Neither was Thor, so he turned that timid touch into a soft kiss that soon became voracious.

There was no talking for a while, the moments they pulled apart too brief to do anything else than looking into each other’s eyes between curiosity and amazement.

“Do you still feel him here?” Thor couldn’t help asking, at last, touching his brother’s lips with his fingers.

Sorcerer Loki gave him a tiny smile and shook his head slightly, kissing his fingertips before the Thunderer let them fall. “But I feel _you_ even harder here” he added, wickedly, as he took his wrist and guided his hand to his chest, right over his pounding heart.

Thor didn’t take it away. His fingers curled around, as if to protect it, while he kissed him again. He knew it was too late, though. What he was experiencing, it was nothing else than what it could have been, it wasn’t real. He wasn’t truly kissing his brother, he wasn’t making it all better: those wounds had already infected and left a scar long ago; oh, how well he knew, because it was all his fault, and as a punishment, he would never have the opportunity to get to Loki’s heart, ever again; he would lose everything he had just managed to earn. But his brother, the _real_ one, was waiting for him somewhere, and for once Thor wasn’t going to fail him, even if it left his soul scattered into pieces. So, gathering all his will, he pulled away with a sigh.

“We must leave, Loki.”

“Where to?” sorcerer Loki asked, frowning in confusion.

“Somewhere in this palace, there must be the one my friends and I are truly looking for. Someone like you, someone I couldn’t save, but I shall now.”

“You will not!” he lashed out, and it was not pain or disappointment what Thor saw in his eyes. It was fear. “You cannot go further into the palace, you idiot! You haven’t seen the worst yet. The cruelest creatures you could ever imagine roam the corridors, and they’re fucking starving. They will break you and eat you inside out, from flesh and blood and bones to trembling soul.”

“I will fight them” Thor replied calmly. “ _We_ will fight them. There’s already enough darkness here, I’ll allow it no more. Come with us, brother, help us.”

“They will end us all” he whispered in response, swallowing, but he disentangled himself from Thor and turned towards the open doors with a proud look, apparently unbothered by the voyeurs. “What are you people waiting for? I don’t have all day.”

Steve discreetly wiped tears away from his face as Natasha kicked Tony’s shin, and he woke up from his musings and mumbled some sharp comment on cue. Bruce sighed deeply, in relief or sadness, he didn’t know, when little Loki finally let go of his leg to get back to Thor’s side.

However, right when sorcerer Loki walked past them and out of the throne room, the darkness that had been covering it was suddenly lift up as if a window had been opened to let the light in. It uncovered a horrific sight for the Avengers. The walls of the room, the floor, even the ceiling, they were all filled with paintings, red blood scattered all over the space and forming words like “unworthy”, “unneeded”, “unloved, “wicked”. Together as one man, the Avengers gazed at Thor, who had his back at the terrible spectacle, and decided in the very same moment that they would never tell him about that.

There were no greetings or names exchange while they walked away of the throne room; sorcerer Loki didn’t care at all about them, just like the original one, and he was pretty indifferent to even his counterparts. They probably reminded him of better times, when he was innocent and free. Young Loki, though, stared at him quite reflectively for a while, until he gathered the courage to turn to Thor “Would have you, if _I_ had asked you?”

The god immediately got what he was trying to say, and looked back at him in bewilderment. “I would. I loved you even then; I’ve always loved you, I believe. But did you?”

“ _I_ did” little Loki answered instead, voice steady and gaze unwavering; both young and sorcerer Loki were too moved by those three words Thor had uttered so easily. “We all did, one way or another.”

“Guys, I’m really touched right now, truly” a pale Tony intervened, waving his hands quite frenetically. “But… we interrupt this heartfelt love confession to bring you an extra creepy version of Marilyn Manson’s howls.”

He wasn’t joking. It had been quiet before; too quiet, actually, but while they walked, that fragile appearance of peace had been broken by some low but threatening sounds, as if there were some wild beast somewhere, waiting to pounce onto them at the first occasion it got.

“What in America is _that_?” Steve hissed, flinching when little Loki gripped his hand so tightly he would have broken it if the man had been a normal person.

“The _Monster_ ” he murmured, shivering in fear. “I don’t wanna be here. Let’s go back. Please, _please_. Please, Lord Steve, Lady Natasha, Lord Bruce. Please, Ironhead; brother, please.”

“Quiet, brother” Thor hushed him gently. “We have to continue. But do not be afraid: that monster, whatever it is, can’t hurt you.”

“Oh, but it can. Badly” sorcerer Loki mumbled, and his brother shot him a fiery gaze; how ironic, having to defend Loki from… well, Loki.

“You don’t look worried” Bruce observed, involuntarily jumping a bit when the beast howled louder, as in frenzy. “I suppose you hide it better.”

“There’s nothing to hide because there’s no monster” young Loki pitched in, rolling his eyes.

“There is, there is! It’s trapped, but sometimes it gets out. Can’t you hear it? It must be pounding the doors down right now” little Loki insisted, clinging to Steve.

“Of course, if there’s someone who can argue with himself, it must be this guy” Tony groaned, pointing at an indeterminate point between little and young Loki.

“Don’t ever open your mouth again if it isn’t to say something useful” Natasha threatened him, narrowing her eyes, and stared at Thor. “So, what are we supposed to do? Do you think that creature is guarding Loki? Well, the present Loki.”

“I do not know” Thor confessed, after a short deliberation. “But even if it isn’t… we can’t just leave it like this. It’s Loki’s mind we’re into, remember. Whatever that creature is, it’s hurting him; perhaps it’s even the reason he’s been like this lately. All this mayhem might stop if we kill the beast.”

There was a long silence again, only interrupted by the monster’s howls and cries and the sound of something strong pounding violently at a door.

“Alright, where’s the beast?” Natasha finally asked little Loki.

He stubbornly kept silent for a while, reluctant to go looking for death itself, but he was just a kid after all and everybody was staring at him expectantly. “It… It always prowls the weapons’ vault when it breaks out. It may be locked there.”

“I really hope you’re stronger than you look” young Loki sighed, looking at the Avengers with skepticism.

“Ah, so _now_ the monster does exist!” Tony exclaimed in triumph, but was quickly shut up by numerous piercing glares and even piercer nails in his arm, courtesy of the Russian.

At a determinate moment, when they were halfway there, the howling and pounding stopped abruptly. The three Loki, who had been guiding them through incredibly dark and cold corridors, slowed down and gazed at Thor in an almost funny synchronization, if it weren’t for how alarmed they looked.

“It knows we’re going to get it” little Loki whispered, not bothering to hide he was terrified, and turned around completely to walk towards the Avengers and hide behind Tony.

“ _Creepy_ ” the so-named sing-sang quietly. “All this is truly giving me the willies.”

The group slowly continued the march, hairs on end and bodies in tension. There was a certain feeling in the atmosphere that made everybody stay silent and alert, waiting.

“Where are the other beasts?” Natasha couldn’t help whispering in a really low voice, as if not to disturb the nightmares that she could practically see lurking behind every corner.

“It’s not likely they’ll bother us right now” young Loki replied, although he didn’t look certain.

“They don’t need to. The Monster is the most fearsome creature of all” little Loki added, taking Natasha’s hand for extra comfort.

“Oh, how nice” Bruce ironized, shaking his head.

There weren’t any other words exchanged until they reached the weapons’ vault. Anticipation practically filtered under the doors to reach them, and they could hear, just barely, footsteps of something pacing around the vault. The Avengers took a step back and looked at Thor, as if he were the only one who had the dubious honor, the right, to open the doors in Loki’s mind. So Thor opened those ones too.

A screeching sound made its way into the group’s ears, displeasing and too loud to be able to hope the creature hadn’t heard them enter. But when they stepped into the dark room, the candles on the walls suddenly lighted up, and a scream was heard.

There was no monster.

It was Loki. Loki, right after the frost giants’ fiasco; Loki, red eyes wild like a wounded animal’s; Loki, skin in soft blue and written in lineage tattoos they could not read, but it wasn’t necessary: Loki, son of Laufey, in his rightful form.

Encouraged by the idea the scrunching form that hid behind the glowing Casket wouldn’t hurt them, just like any of the other Loki hadn’t, Tony wiped invisible sweat away from his forehead and groaned “For God’s sake, how many varieties of Loki are there? If the next one is pink, I fucking quit.”

It wasn’t his most intelligent move. Jötun Loki pounced onto him like the beast he was supposed to be, and only Thor’s godly reflexes saved Tony from having his handsome face clawed away by some incredibly long and sharp black nails.

The figure was taken aback when he noticed someone had come between his prey and him, and stared wide-eyed at Thor, his killing resolve wavering for a second before he leant towards the easiest option and attacked him. The three other Loki and the Avengers immediately prepared their weapons to hit back, but Thor, gripping Jötun Loki’s wrists to keep him in line, turned towards them and shook his head with a horrified look.

“What in the Nine are you doing? It’s just Loki!”

“It’s the Monster!” little Loki cried out. “Father told us about it, don’t you remember, brother? It’ll hurt you!”

“Come back here, you idiot!” young Loki shouted, raising panic in his eyes. “You can’t fight it all by yourself!”

“ _Thor_ ” was all sorcerer Loki said, gripping tightly his scepter with a murderous gaze, mouth twisted into a scowl of repugnance.

It made Thor dizzy, realizing just then the real influence not only his Father’s, but also _his_ words about the Jötnar had had in Loki. He had been so thoughtfully convinced Jötnar were monsters, that discovering he was one himself had broken him the most terrible ways. That room, where the Casket that revealed his true natured was held, was one of the deepest parts of Loki’s heart, his damaged very core.

“He’s no ‘ _it_ ’” Thor snapped out quite sharply, even if the Jötun was trying to release himself from his hold to split his chest open while he spoke. “He’s _Loki_.”

“That’s my name” the creature hissed, making everybody jump into their place, oddly surprised he could talk. “But knowing it won’t give you any immunity; I’ll tear you to pieces all the same.”

“What are you saying, brother?” the Thunderer replied softly, still wrestling with him to prevent him from escaping.

“I am not your brother, you useless piece of trash!” Jötun Loki roared. “Haven’t you heard them? I am Loki Laufeyson from Jötunheim, and I will end you, Golden Prince.”

At those words, an unbearable coldness, nothing like the coolness his skin had had the moment before, reached every part of his body, burning Thor where he was touching him, but not even then did he let him go. His involuntary yell of pain, though, stirred up everybody else, and Thor turned his head towards them again to shout at them in a tone that left no option of disobeying, in a king’s voice “Get out of here! _Get out!_ ”

So the Avengers did, shaking in rage, and pushed the three Loki out with them. As soon as the doors closed behind them, Jötun Loki cracked a cruel smirk, even with most of his wildness gone, and leant towards him to whisper maliciously in Thor’s ear “You don’t want your friends to be present while I butcher you? How very considerate of you.”

“You will not hurt me” Thor answered, unfazed, blue eyes meeting red ones with no trace of fear or revulsion.

“Oh, and how do you know that?” Jötun Loki raised a brow, with morbid curiosity.

“Because you are _not_ a monster” he whispered tenderly, and was suddenly aware of the way Loki trembled at his words.

“But I am. I’ve hurt you” his brother reminded him, patting softly his burned flesh with his black nails.

The Thunderer was sure by then no harm would come to him by Jötun Loki’s hand anymore, so he loosened his hold, although his fingers still embraced his wrists, idly tracing figures on them with his finger pads. “You were scared” he justified him.

“I was angry” Jötun Loki corrected hesitantly. “I didn’t want you to see me.”

“Why not?”

“Just look at me, I’m horrible!” he cried out, wriggling a little in a faint attempt to get out of his brother’s hold.

“I don’t think so. You are very beautiful.”

“Are you mocking me?! I’m something that should be annihilated, completely wiped out from the Nine Realms!”

( _They should be annihilated_ , a surprisingly passionate Loki had hissed in front of Thor, the tiny cell in which he was trapped full with sorrow and shame. _But it was not the time, brother_ , he added quickly, much softer. _That’s why Father has sent you here. Your cause was worthy, but you were reckless._ Thor had been awestruck at that, remembering his brother hadn’t been that enthusiastic at all when he had proposed to slay all the Frost Giants.  
He should have realized it was nothing else but a cry for help, he should have noticed something was wrong, he should have been looking out for his brother while they fought the Jötnar, so he could have been able to understand Loki actually wanted him to deny all he was saying at that moment, wanted him to fight his fears for him. But Thor didn’t. Thor nodded, happy his brother thought the same way, and Loki broke.  
_Annihilated, completely wiped out from the Nine Realms_ , he had repeated quietly, voice uneven, only to watch Thor’s look of approval and hear him adding _Monsters, all of them_. After denying his non-brother’s petition of taking him back home, Loki had disappeared in a puff of smoke, too fast for Thor to see the tears that were quickly clouding his eyes. It would have changed nothing, either way.)

“You are Loki” he insisted for third time. “And I love you dearly.”

Jötun Loki trembled now like a madman, and it only got worse when Thor released his wrists to follow the lines tattooed on his face with his fingertips instead. He treated him as if he were made of glass, as if he were something so precious he was afraid touching him too roughly would break him.

“You cannot love me” the Jötun whispered. “Asgardians hate Jötnar.”

“You are every bit Loki Odinson of Asgard as you are Loki Laufeyson of Jötunheim, and I’d love you even if you weren’t.”

“You are _mad_.”

“Indeed. But then Mother is, too, for she loves you almost as much as I do. And Father is, for he cares much more than he lets on. We’re all mad in Asgard, dear brother” Thor beamed, pressing a kiss against his temple, and that was too much for Loki.

He fell to his knees, trying with all his might to suppress the earthquaking sobs that overwhelmed him, but they were too brutal and raw and had been avoided for too long. Thor followed him to the floor and cradled him in his arms like he would with a child. “Oh, _brother_ ” he mumbled, close to tears himself, and the use of that sacred word only made Loki wail louder.

It took a while for the Jötun to quieten, but Thor kept holding him with a patience he rarely showed until the sobs stopped completely and his brother was just a dead weight leaning on him, exhausted. Then, he helped him to get back on his feet and peppered his face with gentle kisses, as one last confirmation.

Before he was able to say anything else, the doors broke open again, and a very frenzied-looking group peeped into the room with anxious eyes. When they found no signs of violence, they relaxed a bit. Thor glared at them, covering Jötun Loki protectively, and Natasha felt the need to excuse herself “We haven’t heard anything in a while. We thought something was up.”

“I am fine, my friends, Loki” Thor assured them, sighing. “I’ll take the time to heal you, brother, I swear” he mumbled to his brother, brushing a strand of dark hair away. “But now it’s someone else’s turn. Do you know where Loki is? The actual one.”

“The Other’s magic brought him in here” Jötun Loki whispered back, still clinging to him.

“The Other?” Thor repeated, horrified. “It can’t be. When he… when he fell… did he find the Other? Did he find… _Thanos_?”

The name had such a resonance that even the Avengers, who had no damn idea of who he was, flinched.

“He did” Jötun Loki answered, hushing him softly with his index finger so he wouldn’t interrupt him. “The Chiataru are the Other’s creatures. They called him, and it didn’t take long for the Other to figure out how to take advantage of the situation. But he needed to convince him, so first he tempted him, then he threatened him and tortured him, and yet he wouldn’t break, so he put a spell on him, an old one, for your Loki to guide him into his mind. That way, the Other was able to see even his hidden secrets, and knew how to break his will.”

“So you were right all along, Thor” Natasha admitted, dejectedly. “He can be saved. He is not beyond us.”

But Thor had no interest in excuses and apologies right then, he had other things to worry about. “Why has he brought us here now? Is the magic still working?”

“It is” Jötun Loki nodded. “The Other didn’t lift the spell, but something else must be catching his attention for him to loosen his hold on the magic that binds him to your Loki. It got out of control when the enormous quantity of powerful magic your Loki was using awoken the spell. He just couldn’t help it, and now he can’t get out. He won’t be able to; he’s bounded here so he can’t until the visitors release him to get out themselves.”

“Guide us there, Loki” Thor begged, but Jötun Loki shook his head and pulled his hand gently to make him follow him near the Casket.

“It’s too dangerous to go looking for him around this world. It’s still full of nightmares, beasts, all kind of dark creatures and secrets you’d better not encounter. The Casket is a portal, though, so we should be able to get to him.”

“Come here then, friends” the Thunderer called, and seeing how the Avengers and the three Loki still hesitated, he frowned deeply. “He’s no monster, I told you. Those were children’s tales and misunderstandings. It’s partly my fault, but I’ll fix it” he added, looking at the three Loki, and was truly relieved when they all nodded, wary but accepting.

Once the whole group was surrounding the Casket, Jötun Loki rested his hand on it, and a similar commotion to the one which had brought them there shook them.

 

When they all opened their eyes, they were on the Bifröst.

Green and black magic were fighting all around, in colorful bursts of power, and in the middle of that chaos, just like at the start, was Loki. And at last, it _was_ their Loki.

He was floating in midway of the air and the Bifröst, invisible chains holding him in place, limbs stretched open like a sacrifice. He looked terrifyingly angry when he saw them, but Thor could read a glimpse of embarrassment and hope before it disappeared in the confusing mess those blue eyes were. _Blue_. Loki’s eyes were green, but right now, he wore the color eyes got when someone’s mind was being controlled by magic. Oh, he should have known.

But for once, he had noticed before it was too late.

“Loki!” he shouted, getting as near to him as the fighting magic allowed him. “Brother!”

“Shut the fuck up, you idiot!” was the answer, while Loki wrestled with his bindings in a vain attempt to free himself, probably to punch him. “You shouldn’t be here! None of you should be here!”

“As if we wanted a tour around your head!” Tony meddled, looking pretty offended. “The only interesting thing we’ve found out is that you’re even crazier than we thought and that from all the Loki versions there are, you’re the worst we could have. Such a luck!”

“Shut up your mouth, Stark!” came the reply, in so many different voices everybody was confused for a moment.

“For not wanting to be here, you've messed up quite well with my head!” Loki accused, spitting at Thor. “Have you had fun playing the knight in shining armor? No doubt you’ve had the fucking time of your lifes poking your nose in my memories and toying with me!”

“I wasn’t toying with you!” Thor lashed out. “I was trying to fix what I’d fucked up!”

“Ah, you’ll have entertainment for a while then, since there’s no single moment you haven’t fucked up!”

“I know I wasn’t the best brother in the Realms, but at least I tried! Stop twisting everything I said and did, for all the Norns! Or don’t you remember the good times?”

“They were none!” Loki roared, but green was randomly flickering into his eyes and making him uneasy, as he felt the truth in his brother’s words.

“Don’t you remember when we were six and you sneaked into my bed whenever you couldn’t sleep because there was a thunderstorm coming? I’d make it stop for a while so you’d see thunderstorms could never hurt you as long as I lived, and you’d fall sleep on my chest. Don’t you remember?” he yelled, almost desperately, and a different voice than the one he was expecting rose from the darkness.

“I do!” little Loki answered, his eyes impossibly wide in marvel, while other three Loki nodded fervently. “I do!”

“That never happened! _Never_!”

But Thor could see how doubt was eating his brother up alive, so he continued. If he had to hurt him to free him, Norns knew he _would_.

“Don’t you remember when we were fifteen and I convinced you to go looking for dragons in the forest far beyond Vanaheim? It was just you and I in a two weeks journey, and we found no dragon, but we returned home having fought a bilgesnipe! Your eyes gleamed when we brought Father his antlers and he told us how proud he was. Don’t you remember, brother?”

“I do!” young Loki cried out, eyes moist.

“No, no. We never… No!”

And yet, in his rage, Loki had managed to break one of the chains, freeing his left arm. Thor grinned bitterly and didn’t stop “Don’t you remember that time when you didn’t want to accompany me to one of my quests, and we were apart for a month? You left all your dusty spell books aside and spent almost another entire month listening to my stories of the journey and telling me about you improvements in magic. Once, while we dined, I was so enthralled by you I managed to put an elbow into the soup and pour all over myself a jar of mead at the same time, and Mother and you laughed so hard Father called the healers out of fear you’d choke! Don’t you remember, don’t you?!”

“I do!” sorcerer Loki shouted, laughing like crazy.

Loki, the real one, groaned in pain as the chains that held his legs broke with a snap, the force that kept him bounded there wavering. “Stop it! Thor, stop it! Oh Norns, _please_.”

“Don’t you remember when you fell, Loki?” Thor continued, trying to ignore him, but his voice trembled. “You begged Father for forgiveness of something you’d done out of _love_ , and he denied it. And instead of fighting for it, you let yourself fall! If you had just asked _me_ , you’d have known how desperately I loved you and needed you and wanted you to stay! I understand, brother, I understand you loved too hard for too long and no one ever seemed to love you back as much as you deserved, I understand you couldn’t conceive anymore someone could ever love you like you wanted, but guess what, _I_ did! You looked into my eyes the very moment before you let yourself fall, and Muspelheim’s a frozen place if you didn’t fucking find love there! Or don’t you remember? Tell me, _tell me_!”

“I do!” Jötun Loki yelled at the top of his lungs, hands clutching the fabric above his heart.

Loki shook his head desperately, but the last chain broke too, and soon he was falling, falling like last time, except for the fact Thor was right there to catch him. The Thunderer held him against his chest, no matter how tough his brother punched him and kicked him, burning trails of tears wetting his cheeks, and when Loki looked up at him he seemed terrified he had somehow manage to make him cry like he hadn’t since he was a child.

“I love you so damn much it _hurts_ ” Thor breathed fiercely into his ear, and Loki shivered and gripped his shoulders tightly.

“Mess with my head again and I’ll kill you” he whispered back, but his eyes were green again and held no threat at all.

And then there was a sudden explosion of blinding, bright green light.

 

Next time the Avengers opened their eyes again, they were back in New York.

Their surroundings were wrecked, but there was no vortex of magic that tried to kill them, and there was just _one_ Loki, one tired-looking Loki that was letting Thor embrace him as if he were the last hope of salvation in the universe.

“I’m starting to understand so many things…” Bruce mumbled to himself, observing them.

“So am I. And how I wish I weren’t” Natasha sighed as she shook her head.

“…I miss the little Loki” Steve confessed, quite shameful, after a while.

“So do I, buddy, so do I” Tony grudgingly agreed, and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “How about we go back to the Tower and drown our sorrows in forty years old whisky? I have the feeling it won’t take long for Thor to bring us some older and much less nicer version of the little guy.”

And for once, there was a high probability Anthony Edward Stark wasn’t just sputtering nonsense.

There were still many nightmares to overcome, too much broken glass not to step on it while they swept it away, but they’d be fine. They were healing.

**Author's Note:**

> I'll be very happy to hear your opinions, guys.  
> And yeah, I know Tony's jokes are always anticlimatic, it's just how it is. And no, I can't write Clint, I know, I'm sorry.
> 
> Update 27/01/15: Slightly modified to leave an open ending, in thoughts of writing more in the same universe. I'm also in the process of betaing it and revising it in general (since I didn't really give it a second read before I posted it).


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